Bringing sex toys into partnered

Toys do things our bodies just cannot, like pulse and vibrate, creating exciting and unique sensations that can enhance our intimate experiences. These novel sensations have the potential to help many individuals achieve more consistent, frequent, and even more complex and intense orgasms. Furthermore, the sheer range of sensations and experiences offered by sex toys can play a crucial role in keeping sexual relationships varied, interesting, and desirable, especially in long-term partnerships. While the stigma surrounding the use of sex toys is diminishing, it is noteworthy that there are still individuals who hesitate to broach the idea of incorporating these pleasurable devices into their shared intimate moments with their partners.

So, why do we pause when it comes to using sex toys with partners?

The hesitation often stems, at least in part, from persistent beliefs that toys are for solo play, while sex is about two people meeting each other's every want and need with their bodies alone, explains Fosnight. However, this assumption fails to acknowledge the incredible potential of incorporating toys into a sexual relationship. By introducing toys as a shared experience, couples can not only enhance their physical pleasure but also deepen their emotional connection. The addition of toys brings a sense of novelty and adventure, sparking new levels of excitement and exploration within the relationship. It allows partners to explore different sensations and possibilities that may not be easily achieved through traditional means alone. Furthermore, toys can help overcome any physical limitations or challenges that individuals may face, ensuring that both partners can fully engage in the intimate experience. By shifting our perspective and embracing the potential of toys, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities, where pleasure and connection can truly be amplified. So, let go of any hesitations and embrace the idea that toys are not just for solo play but rather a powerful tool to enhance the experience of intimacy and pleasure between two people.

Marketing toys as sexual solutions or replacements reinforces negative perceptions. This leads straight cis men to feel threatened by interest in toys. People fear being judged, so they conform to societal norms instead of exploring new experiences.

Having open and honest conversations about sex toys plays a crucial role in enhancing our sexual experiences. When it comes to discussing our desires, preferences, and introducing new elements to our intimate lives, such as sex toys, communication is key. By embracing these conversations, we not only strengthen the bond with our partners, but we also create an environment of trust and exploration. Having a positive and respectful dialogue about sex toys can lead to a deeper understanding of each other's desires, helping us discover new ways to pleasure and satisfy one another. It's important to approach this topic with curiosity, empathy, and a willingness to listen, ensuring that both partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and fantasies. By having the sex toy conversations we want to have, we open up a world of possibilities for better sex and enhanced intimacy.

When it comes to discussing the idea of exploring sex toys with your partner, it's understandable that you may feel a bit apprehensive or uncertain. However, it's important to remember that engaging in open and honest communication about sexual desires and preferences can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship. To help ease any potential discomfort, we reached out to a diverse range of experts, including sex counselors, educators, and toy experts, who graciously shared their invaluable insights with Mashable. These professionals offered several tried-and-true tips and tricks for broaching the subject in a way that promotes understanding, minimizes awkwardness, and ultimately results in a mutually enjoyable exploration of sex toys. By following their advice, you can approach this conversation with confidence and create an atmosphere of trust and intimacy with your partner. So don't let feelings of anxiety hold you back; instead, embrace the opportunity to enhance your sexual experiences and deepen your connection through open communication and a willingness to explore new possibilities together.

Consider the timing

One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to introduce toys to their partners, these experts said, is attempting to just whip them out during sex without any prior communication or consent. Unless you know your partner is not only comfortable with you but also appreciates surprises during intimate moments, Boyajian warns that this approach can leave them feeling not only anxious and pressured but also confused. It's important to remember that everyone has their own boundaries and comfort levels when it comes to exploring their sexuality with toys. By taking the time to have an open and honest conversation about desires and boundaries, couples can create a safe and enjoyable space where toy exploration can be a source of pleasure and connection, rather than tension or conflict. Building trust and understanding with your partner is crucial when it comes to incorporating toys into your sex life, ensuring that both parties feel empowered and respected in their exploration of new avenues of pleasure.

Instead, make time to talk about using toys during sex. It's easier to do this in a new relationship when you're already talking openly about your sexual preferences. Just work toys into those conversations. But keep in mind that discussing sexual preferences can make some people uncomfortable, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Even those who are comfortable may not feel ready to talk specifically about using toys.

And that’s fine. There is no optimal time in a relationship to talk about sex toys. Months or even years down the road, once you’ve started having more open and regular conversations about your sexual wants and needs, you can raise the topic of toys. If you’ve never had a conversation like that, mentioning toys could be a good foothold to open up wider intimate dialogue. If you’re not sure how to start that first conversation, Fosnight recommends framing it as an idea you encountered in an article, in online talk, or during a chat with a friend. Taking inspiration from external sources is a great way to introduce new ideas into your relationship. Whether it's a provocative article or an intriguing conversation with a close friend, using these encounters as a starting point for discussing sex toys can help remove the initial hesitations of broaching the topic. By framing it as something you came across outside of the relationship, you create a more comfortable and less personal atmosphere for discussing the subject. It can serve as a catalyst to open up wider conversations about your desires, preferences, and explore the realm of intimacy together. So, don't be afraid to bring up the topic of sex toys, as it might just be the key that unlocks a whole new level of understanding and pleasure in your relationship.

Don't criticize or apologize

No matter when or how you start the conversation, it is important to approach the topic of toys with sensitivity and understanding. It is advisable to avoid connecting your interest in toys to any explicit critique or frustration with the current state of your sexual experiences. By doing so, you can avoid triggering potential underlying insecurities that your partner may have, creating a safer and more open space for discussion. Remember, embracing and exploring new experiences together can enhance intimacy and bring you closer as a couple. Communication is key, and by approaching the subject with respect and empathy, you can foster a healthy and supportive environment for both you and your partner.

Don’t apologize or shy away from your own desires either, as that’s a good way to build up anxiety and stress on one or both sides of the conversation. Instead, try “coming from a place of exploration,” Boyajian suggests, in which sex toys are one of many exciting things you can try together to see what you can add to your sex life, to bring you both new and great experiences. “Most of us want our partners to have pleasure during sex, and will be willing to seek higher forms of pleasure together,” Leigh notes.

Don't force the idea

If your partner is not open to the conversation or idea, don’t force toys on them with insistence or ultimatums. Instead, Jenni Skyler(Opens in a new tab), a sexologist who works with adult retail giant Adam & Eve, suggests trying to talk, then or later, about why that idea makes them uncomfortable, then finding ways down the road to address any fears or stigmas about toys or sex that they may harbor.

Be truly open to the idea of exploration

If your partner is interested in exploring the potential of toys, try not to dictate what that will look like — the toys you’re going to use together and how you’re going to use them. Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. Talk about the way your ideas overlap or differ. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys.

You or your partner may already have one or more toys you use alone that you’re excited about exploring together. In that case, Fosnight recommends that the partner with a toy bring it into bed at an agreed-upon time and demonstrate how they use it on themself, then guiding their partner, verbally or physically, to join in, or talk through how to try using the toy on or with each other.

You may also want to explore all-new toys together, to find something that fits your unique dynamic as a duo. Boyajian recommends turning toy research and shopping into a couple’s activity, a chance to build intimacy and mutual excitement and expectation. But Leigh cautions against falling into the trap of just exploring toys marketed for couples. There are a (Opens some backed by sexual health experts. Yet they “aren’t in any way guaranteed to work better for couples than any other toys,” she explains.

In fact, many are built on presumptions about their users’ anatomies, and attempt to stimulate both parties at the same time. The same type of stimulation rarely works for two people at once, and many people actually enjoy using a toy on their partners — watching their partner use a toy, or mutual masturbation using two different toys — more than the two-party stimulations on offer.

Be safe...

Leigh, an expert in the field, emphasizes that any toy, regardless of its original purpose, has the potential to be transformed into a couple's toy for added pleasure and excitement. With a plethora of options available in the market, it can indeed be overwhelming to decide which toy to choose. However, it's important to remember that there's no need to rush the selection process. Instead, take the time to thoroughly explore your options with your partner. Consider reading toy reviews to gather insights, consult friends and experts to gain valuable recommendations, and once you do decide to make a purchase, embrace the opportunity to embark on a journey of discovering creative and pleasurable ways to incorporate these toys into your intimate experiences.

We have published helpful guides on how couples can use different toys. Just make sure you're being safe by not using toys in the wrong way and using enough safe lubrication. Remember, you get to decide what feels good for you!

And have fun with it

“Be willing to laugh at the toy and yourself," Skyler adds, because sometimes, inevitably, your experiments will not work out. That can be frustrating, because toys certainly aren’t cheap. You can, however, find good guides online to functional, body-safe toys that will help your engage in expansive rounds of exploration with a partner — without breaking the bank.

Remember, even when things don't go exactly as planned, it's all part of the journey you're sharing with your partner and can bring you closer together.

Follow these steps for toy-enhanced partnered sex. That's it!

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